Setting Sail on 26 Years...

I did some research tonight on birthday celebrations. Ok, I googled “inventor of birthday celebrations.” Hey, I thought the person could use some kudos! Needless to say, I found the below:

“In History, Birthday celebrations started with Pharaoh and was only mentioned in connection with Royalty. In pagan cultures, people feared evil spirits - especially on their birthdays. It was a common belief that evil spirits were more dangerous to a person when he or she experienced a change in their daily life, such as turning a year older. As a result, birthdays were merry occasions celebrated with family and friends, who surrounded the person of honor with laughter and joy in order to protect them from evil. Instead of gifts, most guests brought positive thoughts and happy wishes for the upcoming year. However, if well-wishers did bring gifts, it was considered an especially good influence for the birthday person.”

Cool. Guests brought positive thoughts and happy wishes. I’d like to reflect a moment on what birthdays also allow us to do. Birthdays allow us to reflect on a previous year. My previous year included change, heartbreak, laughter, cheer, quitting, starting, loving, loathing, lusting and taking a swan dive into the unknown to follow bliss. Birthdays allow us to look forward. What does 26 MEAN. What should I accomplish in the next 365 days? I need to pay a visit to the ocean, I need to climb another mountain, I need to master a black diamond, I need to rock it at work, I need to SLOWWWW DOWWWNNN…birthdays allow us to reflect on the present moment. Ah hah. We’ve come to my point.

The brilliance of the birthday celebration is that we gather “with laughter and joy” to share “positive thoughts and happy wishes” TODAY. What if we spent every moment of the next year as if it were our birthday because every day we have the chance to be new? Every day we have the chance to celebrate the pure existence of those around us. If last year we cried enough tears to sail away then build your best damn sailboat and go. Every day is a new port.

Happy Birthday to me. And Happy Birthday to You.

Chelsea the Grouch and Other Managerial Lessons

I remember sitting at my desk in corporate America and thinking, “I refuse to let them convince me that my emotional investment in this business is a flaw.” In the way many children learn lessons later in life, I now know they were right.

I recently took a leadership workshop that preached that we need to remove our investment in other people’s space. What is your business vs. “their” business. As an analyst and even more so as a manager, this is my biggest challenge. A psychologist once asked me why I thought it was a defect that I felt more deeply. Well, it’s partially a defect because it’s not my business how many people bought turkey roasters in 2012. It’s not my business as a manager to make decisions for the shining stars that I manage or may eventually manage. It’s not my space as a friend to force judgments or opinions but simply to hold my life partner’s spaces. I’m starting to understand this now.

My mother is an amazing leader professionally, but the relationship I respect the most that she managed is her relationship with me. I used to get incredibly frustrated with my mom for not offering me her opinions on grandiose plans of mine. Shudder…flashback to 15-24 year old Chelsea… “Why the hell won’t you tell me what to do?!?!” Her response? “because I know you will make the right decision. You always do.” How did she KNOW? She didn’t…but she thrives off the fact that I would learn from my own decisions and not her own opinion or what she wanted. The best gift my mother gave me was to let me follow my own path and to hold that path in a loving and supportive manner. These are the qualities of a true leader. Thanks for not micro-managing, mama.

As the workforce manager that actually pays the bills, my mom says, “I grow leaders. If this is what you aspire to be, then I will help you get there.” In my current career I have the beautiful, yellow brick road opportunity to bring this motto to life. The teachers and students that surround me all have ambitious goals. They will find their path without my opinions, judgments or beliefs. My consistent goal as a manager is to hold their space in silence, make tough umbrella decisions when needed and if this is where you aspire to be, then I will help you get there.

 

 

The 14,000 Vertical Ft Lesson Plan

It seems to me that mid-twenties are all about seeking destinations. I spent a week this summer back in Minnesota with tight knit friends that transformed within my 7 month absence to engaged couples, parents, and co-habitants. Walking through my old office skyways, I was consumed with anxiety over my own personal deadlines. Oh dear, I ran off to the mountains and now I’LL NEVER FIND LOVE OR MONEY OR MAKE FRIENDS OR GIVE BIRTH. Don’t smirk females…you’ve been there.

I came home and decided to get over my fear of commitment, kick ass and take names. That’s when my anxiety dove back in like a significant other that tore apart your insides who randomly shows up at the coffee shop down the street when all you were looking for was an afternoon caffeine kick. Naturally, I decided to take my anxiety as high as I could which happened to be 14,200 feet.

Readers, my journey started at 5:30am with two new friends and one old. We began hiking for two hours on the wrong mountain. Hah, isn’t adventure a bitch. But naturally, it wouldn’t be adventure if it was expected.  Ok, so we are now at 7:30am and we are hiking up the planned 14er and I’m feeling good, ready, ambitious.  Halfway up and my lungs are gasping, glutes feel acidic and knee caps are flipping me off. I’m mumbling profanities and working on motivational quotes when most of our water runs out. That’s when the nausea kicked in and the Clif bar I’m supposed to eat tastes like dog food that has been dried in the Arizona sun for weeks. I sit down and look around. Damn, I’d been moving so fast to one goal I almost forgot to look at the beautiful journey to the top. Needless to say, we made it up and I was so thirsty with altitude sickness that I barely remember the summit.

Okay, what have we here? This blog often revolves around love and love, my dears, is not hard. Relationships are hard. The journey is hard. But love, does not need a definition and fortunate for us, love is with you every step of the way. If you are still stuck hiking for two hours before you even reach your mountain then holy shit your opportunities are endless. If you have just reached your mountain and you’re on top of the world, beautiful!, don’t forget to keep looking around. If you’re halfway up then start to notice the magic that surrounds you and how you have a choice to keep moving. Sometimes we reach the summit and it’s not what we planned. That’s when you start to chip away at the debris that began to surround your heart and slowly make your way down. Another mountain is waiting and I bet it will be one hell of a journey.

 

 

$300 to Happiness

Mom says she never had to remind me to do my homework. With the exception of the groceries that I’m still stealing from my parents’ refrigerator, I paid my way through college entertainment, room and board and will be co-paying for that damn education for the next 10 years. I was offered my first salaried job amidst an economic downfall within weeks of graduating and turned down others. Within three years, I moved my way up the economic ranks to a salary that put in a base cushion to my 401K, allowed me to live in a downtown Minneapolis “penthouse,” shop comfortably and travel often. Two years after that I quit that job and moved to Colorado. 

Today I’m 2 months away from turning 26 and I have $300 to last me 2 weeks. My last paragraph was much less about bragging and much more about my plea to happiness.  I used to depress often about stress, relationships, career and how badly I wanted my toes to touch the sand. Today I cry because my yoga teacher tells us to picture the person we love the most, or I hear the most beautiful Hanuman chanting I’ve ever experienced or I can’t decide if I should spend that $300 on paddleboard sessions or camping in Horsetooth. 

I’m not writing this blog to seek attention or glamorize my monetary "shame." Since moving to Boulder, I’m holding hands with a cosmic community of people that don’t need to purchase a new pair of shoes for Friday night, that have savings accounts for adventure and that also debate the definition of success. I know as a 100% confident fact that a fat bank account is not the key to bliss- so how do we overcome these days when your headphones get stuck in your backpack zipper and suddenly you are hyperventilating in emotion. 

I’m lucky to have $300. Why not cut this in half and give it to someone else? Why not take this time to decide what I really need to do with this life before that $300 goes to a free spirited toddler  of mine or a significant other that lives on passion. Maybe we should all spend two weeks living like we only have $300. Consider the relationship you would build with the outdoors and your neighbors. These next two weeks, I’m going to live on sunshine, love, Minnesota, Chatauqua mountains, yoga, Summer Solstice, Mom and David’s dinners and life. That shit don’t cost a thing. 

To become a faster runner, run faster. To progress in yoga, do more yoga. To find happiness, try being happy.

She Dates with her Bags Packed

The year I turned 18, this spectacular boy told me he wanted to be with me forever. I made him pull over the car so I could walk home. The first time I heard “I love you” from a boy was in a movie theatre. I kindly turned to him, batted my eyelashes and said, “fuck you.”

You know girls like me. Maybe you’ve fallen for one. She’s hard to understand because she dove into your life, social circle and bed like she belonged there...but she never untied her imaginary Nikes. A relationship with her is easy at times and disastrous at others, but the secret smiles over her glass from across the bar made every manic moment worth it.

This girl dates with her bags packed. These qualities can actually attribute to an exceptionally healthy relationship; sometimes she sparks like a struck match, sometimes she grabs her keys and stews on her own for a few days…you need this space too. Sometimes she doesn’t speak for an uncomfortable period of time and you are forced to fill the space with chaotic words only to stop her from thinking too deeply. Her responses are cryptic but she still smirks and kisses you on the lips. You need time for contemplation too.   

Don’t let my ambivalence turn you off, readers. I don’t know how long it will take for me to drop my suitcase on someone else’s floor. What I do know is how the scenery changes with the right person. Love can make a wave chaser crave the winter. Love can turn the mountains into a haven for absolute bliss. Love can take you anywhere, change your plans, stop you in your tracks and suddenly those tracks have led you to the exact place you needed to be.

The bottom line is, I still think it’s worth it to wait. I don’t believe in deceit of another being while you silently wait for your world to make sense. If you’re still seeking my dears, then instead of noticing all the road blocks, start to notice the world that sits before you. Let someone fit into that world and watch as your scenery starts to change. In that moment, you’ll look down and notice that somewhere along the way you’ve kicked off your shoes and your suitcase has been so worn down that the contents have been strewn all over the road. He’ll laugh at you and say, “shall we?”

A toast to the flawed and ferocious

Girls, this is not a nod to Dove commercials (although I think the concept is pretty sweet). This is not permission to eat an entire pizza because you feel like it (but, put a Punch pizza in front of me and I’m going Jungle Jane on that flat bread). This is a discussion and suggestion for keeping your chin sky high, even in a room full of perceived perfection.

I know this beautiful red haired girl and she doesn’t know this, but something she said to me in college has stuck with me. She was discussing a new boy she had met who lived across country. She confidently and flatly said, “If he doesn’t want me, SO WHAT! You either do or you don’t!” It was a simple phrase really, but at the time my heart probably looked like an ugly version of Rocky Balboa’s beaten face and I thought she sounded like a revolutionary. I’m so glad I eventually learned to sing her tune. I suggest you do too.

Just yesterday a guy said to me, “You were right. We shouldn’t have gone to that instructor’s class. Petite brunettes are my weakness.” He wasn’t being a self-esteem busting jerk, he was being open because I encourage full honesty. Had I been sitting across from my 15 year old relationship, I would have looked down at my half eaten “large plate” fajita and thought… “your lettuce punishment binge starts tomorrow.” No fucking way, ladies. Finish your breakfast and listen up.

Guess what. My weakness is Thor like men- not fantasy. I’m talking blonde pony, blue eyes, toned and tall with an edge of desire to jump high and fall in love with girls from another planet. I have never once in my life actually been in love with someone that matches this description (no offense, lovers). My point here is that what we fall in love with can actually surprise us. Put me in a coliseum full of petite brunettes and instead of waving my white flag, I guarantee you I can find something beautiful about each and every one of them outside of their frame and hair color. Try this the next time your confidence is compromised, but first remind yourself that your own brilliance exists and it doesn’t flicker when someone decides they want something else. You can only be the best version of you, so go for 5 stars.

If you are in a relationship or potential relationship where open chatter about attraction is supported, then you better not blink when your partner mentions that hottie that walked by on the way to their morning coffee. If your boyfriend looks at a girl wearing a bandana for a skirt, try smirking knowing that you bagged him with your humor alone and please do not resort to physical violence. If you are like Rihanna and you want to feel like you’re the only girl in the world, then baby slide your forearm across his card table and dump your entire deck of cards into your purse; not to be shown until you find your perfect half whose eyes do not stray (or at least they have mastered the art of peripheral vision). Those men and women exist, too.

And if right now, for you, what you want or need does not exist….so what! Some day it will.

 

 

The challenge of loving challenge.

So you’ve fallen for your best friend’s significant other, or worse, your significant other’s best friend. You’re dwelling on someone that is happily taken. You stare at every empty seat at the back of the bikes that drive by wondering where they could take you. You turn off that song every time you hear the first chord, then you play with just letting it wash you away.

This post is my whiskey on the rocks toast to those that smell out challenge in love like they haven’t craved “normal” or “easy” for years. Cheers, rebels, let’s talk about healing together.

Step 1…does it serve you? Do you leave them feeling like you just opened your arms, flexed your feet and took a heart first dive into bliss? Do you spin out of control? What happens when you hit the ground? May I suggest elbow pads at least…

If you are a steel heart like my girl, Allie then you probably can’t resonate with the above. She loves like a champion and she keeps both feet on the ground. She bounces off assholes like she knows how high she should hold her head and when she hits the ground, she’s ready to run with 5” heels. We’ll come back to her later.

Step 2…that’s really cool that you’ve rolled around in the sand and clinked coronas…or grabbed their hand and ran to the side of the river to jump off the nearest dock…or dined at the top of Vail mountain in the middle of a snowglobe life…or that you’ve looked for shooting stars in Breckenridge. Hold those stories in the highlight reel of your life and when you return, know that you made those choices because they gave you a booster shot of happiness that you happened to manifest with our without the person you are imagining next to you. Maybe you’ve truly landed something great…but if tomorrow the waves have gotten higher, ski season ended and you never even found that shooting star, then let’s take a look at our track history of seeking challenge.

Try on easy. Try on living every day doing only things that make you manifest happiness and before you know it, someone will see a shooting star walking right down the street and my god, it will be you. Take a lesson from Allie and even if he or she races your heart to speeds that warrant a $300 fine, you better keep your head high or direct them to the nearest entrance ramp. Haven’t you listened to my girl, Alanis Morrisette? “Loving someone can actually feel like freedom.” If it doesn’t, you come to me and we will make friends with a travel agent.

I see it every day. I’m guilty myself. If you’re still out there seeking challenge, you will continue to be hit with challenge. Don’t look for boring or rushed commitment or even bouquets of sunflowers. Go look for the sunflowers together. If you want something you’ve never had…then you have to do something you’ve never done.