This time of year brings out the child in us all. So I
suppose it is legitimate to admit that I cried my eyes out when I received my
Christmas packages from my Grandma and my Dad.
My parents split before I could recall any part of their
marital status. For me, this never meant a lack of love or joy over the
holidays. In fact, this meant a year after year tradition that would mold me
and fulfill me in many ways. I never questioned as a child why Santa came twice
for me; my Grandmother made this happen. I never questioned if Mom was lonely
on Christmas morning when she scraped together her Christmas savings to ensure
we had an abundant tree to be shared by the two of us.
I have taken an incredible leap of faith this year that has
deleted my annual salary by $17,000 and has also forced me to adjust the
holiday traditions that I have clung to for 23 years. Every year Mom buys us an
ornament that symbolizes the year we have just lived so that when we leave home
we have a full Pine display of our childhood. I can’t begin to imagine one
object that could describe this past year. Maybe a measuring stick for I have grown in so many facets, but still have
much more room to be a student.
Lesson one is to recall that this is not the first time that
my traditions have been toyed with. I remember having to leave the room the
first time I had to share my Christmas morning with Mom. I was so upset that I
was losing her. Little did I know I would fall very much in love with this
family that she was creating. Lesson two is to remember that I do not love or
receive love any less by being distant. My Grandma Jasin taught me
this as I enjoyed Christmas Eve most because our family seemed so large.
Growing up I did not know blood relative from close family friend because she
knitted us all together as one. I can only hope to hold a piece of this
mentality this Christmas.
I am very lucky to have family and friends to miss over the
Holidays. I am also not lacking one bit. To appease myself, I took a step
outside at the sundown over my beloved mountains. There are twinkling Christmas
lights tucked away in those mountains and every time I look out I know that I
have made the right choice. I know that there is something incredible to be
completed by me in this next chapter. I am ready for this journey.
I hope that I have lived thus far in a way that projects my
adoration for my extended family, friends included of course. I hope that
everyone this year has their very own horizon to look to for peace and balance.
If you do not, I am more than happy to share my Rocky Mountain magic with
anyone in need.
Peace. Love. Merriest Christmas.
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