The tide hides the scars of the sand and so will it hide mine.

My life changed last August at a wedding on a rainy day. There was no symbolism of destruction as the rain slid down the edges of that perfect day. Although I was distracted by my previous stepping stone crush to my right, when she began walking down the aisle, I missed the boy that loves me most. Missing someone and picturing yourself walking to them towards a lifetime commitment are two very different things. I looked up and saw an intriguing face. I wondered who he was thinking of. 

I had just turned 25 and was amidst flipping my world around. My move to Colorado was planned for 3 months down the road and that’s where he was. My plans held nothing more than curiosity which soon blossomed into thirst. I wanted to know more. I wanted to experience more. I told him to drive safe on his way home. 

I didn’t cry when my wheels started turning away from the Midwest. I knew this was right and that I just needed to be patient to find what I was looking for. That night, he seemed like what I was looking for for a very long time. 

I began writing today because I wanted to remember every detail. Now I’m not so sure. Those of us that dive in head first and chase butterflies know when a heartbreak is inevitable but the dreamer in us that sat on the edge of the ocean when she turned 21 keeps staring at the water because it’s the only thing that seems consistent. It’s the only thing that never fails. Back then we would climb up that lifeguard haven of ours and he would say he didn’t want to think about tomorrow and he didn’t know if I’d be on the next page when he decided to turn it. I said, “tonight. I will only let one tear fall because this world is big and here on South Beach we seem small.” We drove back two months later and today that boy would fill his entire book with my love if I’d allow it. 

However, love is a thrilling and hallowing feature of life that I am still working out.  None of us want to promote hurt onto someone we love, but none of us want to take off with a one way ticket when we turn 30 with a note taped to our fiancés kitchen table either. We must run in the direction of those that make us shine. When we leap into the arms of someone that is unwilling to catch us, then we must embrace the qualities that make us glow on our own. These are the times that promote growth and these are the times that make the most sense when suddenly, on your journey back to your ocean, you are offered a hand. And together, you run.