$300 to Happiness

Mom says she never had to remind me to do my homework. With the exception of the groceries that I’m still stealing from my parents’ refrigerator, I paid my way through college entertainment, room and board and will be co-paying for that damn education for the next 10 years. I was offered my first salaried job amidst an economic downfall within weeks of graduating and turned down others. Within three years, I moved my way up the economic ranks to a salary that put in a base cushion to my 401K, allowed me to live in a downtown Minneapolis “penthouse,” shop comfortably and travel often. Two years after that I quit that job and moved to Colorado. 

Today I’m 2 months away from turning 26 and I have $300 to last me 2 weeks. My last paragraph was much less about bragging and much more about my plea to happiness.  I used to depress often about stress, relationships, career and how badly I wanted my toes to touch the sand. Today I cry because my yoga teacher tells us to picture the person we love the most, or I hear the most beautiful Hanuman chanting I’ve ever experienced or I can’t decide if I should spend that $300 on paddleboard sessions or camping in Horsetooth. 

I’m not writing this blog to seek attention or glamorize my monetary "shame." Since moving to Boulder, I’m holding hands with a cosmic community of people that don’t need to purchase a new pair of shoes for Friday night, that have savings accounts for adventure and that also debate the definition of success. I know as a 100% confident fact that a fat bank account is not the key to bliss- so how do we overcome these days when your headphones get stuck in your backpack zipper and suddenly you are hyperventilating in emotion. 

I’m lucky to have $300. Why not cut this in half and give it to someone else? Why not take this time to decide what I really need to do with this life before that $300 goes to a free spirited toddler  of mine or a significant other that lives on passion. Maybe we should all spend two weeks living like we only have $300. Consider the relationship you would build with the outdoors and your neighbors. These next two weeks, I’m going to live on sunshine, love, Minnesota, Chatauqua mountains, yoga, Summer Solstice, Mom and David’s dinners and life. That shit don’t cost a thing. 

To become a faster runner, run faster. To progress in yoga, do more yoga. To find happiness, try being happy.

She Dates with her Bags Packed

The year I turned 18, this spectacular boy told me he wanted to be with me forever. I made him pull over the car so I could walk home. The first time I heard “I love you” from a boy was in a movie theatre. I kindly turned to him, batted my eyelashes and said, “fuck you.”

You know girls like me. Maybe you’ve fallen for one. She’s hard to understand because she dove into your life, social circle and bed like she belonged there...but she never untied her imaginary Nikes. A relationship with her is easy at times and disastrous at others, but the secret smiles over her glass from across the bar made every manic moment worth it.

This girl dates with her bags packed. These qualities can actually attribute to an exceptionally healthy relationship; sometimes she sparks like a struck match, sometimes she grabs her keys and stews on her own for a few days…you need this space too. Sometimes she doesn’t speak for an uncomfortable period of time and you are forced to fill the space with chaotic words only to stop her from thinking too deeply. Her responses are cryptic but she still smirks and kisses you on the lips. You need time for contemplation too.   

Don’t let my ambivalence turn you off, readers. I don’t know how long it will take for me to drop my suitcase on someone else’s floor. What I do know is how the scenery changes with the right person. Love can make a wave chaser crave the winter. Love can turn the mountains into a haven for absolute bliss. Love can take you anywhere, change your plans, stop you in your tracks and suddenly those tracks have led you to the exact place you needed to be.

The bottom line is, I still think it’s worth it to wait. I don’t believe in deceit of another being while you silently wait for your world to make sense. If you’re still seeking my dears, then instead of noticing all the road blocks, start to notice the world that sits before you. Let someone fit into that world and watch as your scenery starts to change. In that moment, you’ll look down and notice that somewhere along the way you’ve kicked off your shoes and your suitcase has been so worn down that the contents have been strewn all over the road. He’ll laugh at you and say, “shall we?”