She Dates with her Bags Packed

The year I turned 18, this spectacular boy told me he wanted to be with me forever. I made him pull over the car so I could walk home. The first time I heard “I love you” from a boy was in a movie theatre. I kindly turned to him, batted my eyelashes and said, “fuck you.”

You know girls like me. Maybe you’ve fallen for one. She’s hard to understand because she dove into your life, social circle and bed like she belonged there...but she never untied her imaginary Nikes. A relationship with her is easy at times and disastrous at others, but the secret smiles over her glass from across the bar made every manic moment worth it.

This girl dates with her bags packed. These qualities can actually attribute to an exceptionally healthy relationship; sometimes she sparks like a struck match, sometimes she grabs her keys and stews on her own for a few days…you need this space too. Sometimes she doesn’t speak for an uncomfortable period of time and you are forced to fill the space with chaotic words only to stop her from thinking too deeply. Her responses are cryptic but she still smirks and kisses you on the lips. You need time for contemplation too.   

Don’t let my ambivalence turn you off, readers. I don’t know how long it will take for me to drop my suitcase on someone else’s floor. What I do know is how the scenery changes with the right person. Love can make a wave chaser crave the winter. Love can turn the mountains into a haven for absolute bliss. Love can take you anywhere, change your plans, stop you in your tracks and suddenly those tracks have led you to the exact place you needed to be.

The bottom line is, I still think it’s worth it to wait. I don’t believe in deceit of another being while you silently wait for your world to make sense. If you’re still seeking my dears, then instead of noticing all the road blocks, start to notice the world that sits before you. Let someone fit into that world and watch as your scenery starts to change. In that moment, you’ll look down and notice that somewhere along the way you’ve kicked off your shoes and your suitcase has been so worn down that the contents have been strewn all over the road. He’ll laugh at you and say, “shall we?”