The Ex Games

In my relationships prior to this year I survived on an air of mystery. I could be brutally honest in matters pertaining to the heart when it was recorded in writing but my verbal strategy was to remain silent until a bomb needed dropping. I don’t know if this line of attack actually worked because it led me to something beautiful or if I just learned to find beauty in the most unexpected places. 

My move to Colorado gave me a luxurious opportunity to move towards a no bullshit kind of dating. If you choose to stand in my arena, our goal is to engage in peaceful combat with the sole intention of enjoying each other. The second you lose that, it’s time to send in the next victim. This new lifestyle put me entirely in control which worked out beautifully until I was surprise attacked by a game changer. My rules have vanished in mid-air and I’m left without a weapon in sight. I’m shining at the challenge and the 20 year old version of me would probably gag at the romance I’m capable of these days. 

As a silent assassin of a girlfriend in my past, I was able to maintain communication (or at least encounters not involving lethal weapons) with most of my ghosts of boyfriends past. There is one exception to this scenario and at the peachy age of 26, I’m now starting to question if he is the mastermind behind it all. 

That brings me to the ex games of 2013. 

With the omission of those that are born with the commitment bone, the majority of relationships from elementary to enlightenment have a built in back up plan. Most conveniently, this back up plan generally consists of an ex. I’m not pointing fingers here. Highschool I had a bench of “best guy friends.” These 2^nd line heart throbs fulfilled me emotionally where I was lacking elsewhere (Insert shameful head drop). When I was cheated on in college, I called my previous boyfriend bawling and apologizing (insert shudder). When we date but are unsure, we send random notes, we stalk, we flirt; we entertain ideas. 

I’ve always envisioned a partner that would hold my back-up plans in his fist until they turned to sand; he would throw my insecurities to the wind and we would dive in. Reality check. The point of change exists when a back-up plan is no longer worth your time because you are willing to compromise or completely banish any thought of not finding fulfillment where you stand. It’s the most heart breaking, thrilling aspect of a love life that I have encountered to this day. Although I may have come close in the past, I’m taking one this challenge on step at a time. I will have one, sole misty little plan and if it doesn’t  work out, I will have one hell of an adventure; just as I have in my past. Can you really say that you haven’t enjoyed every moment of fleeting love lessons from your past? Even the unbearable hurt has led you here and even an unknown path is a wonderful place to be. 

No one wins the ex games. The finest way to finalize in your category is to share only your genuine joy for your past. Wish only happiness. Send only positive intentions. Dive into your new life with the understanding that the past will eventually move on. If you step into a new role with a veil of fear over your new bond, then instead of a long distance runner, become a sprinter. Sprint your way to the core of where you find YOURSELF and then sprint your way back to the one person that will change you and shape you into the best version of yourself. 

If sprinting fails, then sit down with your friendly gurus and listen. Actually listen. Sierrah would say, “Maybe this will end in catastrophe…or maybe you will love the shit out of him/her for as long as you can.”