Amour-propre vs. Amour de Soi

Let’s be honest. Some days are harder to love your body. That statement is not gender, age or sexual orientation specific. Some days it’s really hard to love your body. Well, I think it’s time that we start a revolution and it all comes down to using your body for what you love and not for expectations. 

I have often used humor to overcome my pockets of self-doubt. I have feigned confidence so often, that my sister was bold enough to twist the knife last week. While waiting in line for a water slide on a day that I was avoiding mirrors at all costs, my siblings and I began to share battle wound stories of scars claimed before. I am usually the 1^st prize champion of these types of assemblies, and mid conversation, my sister says, “smile!” I do, because well, my smile is the most charming version of crooked and she sticks a finger to my lip opposite cleft side and pushes it up to align with the other. Now, I must have reacted because she instantly retracted this gesture with a list of her own flaws and I realized my humor as well as my disgust with the flaw show had sent us on the wrong track. 

It turns out that joking about our scarred faces, bootylicious figures and features that we compare to Tim Burton characters is counter intuitive to those around us that we aim to inspire. Are we not taking a huge step back posting half naked pictures of the lbs. that we shed on social media or nodding along with girlfriends in despair of jeans that won’t zip? What if that sister or brother of yours soaks in all those details on a day that is REALLY hard to love their body?

Don’t get me wrong, be PROUD of body transformations. Be open to humor that avoids personal expense. The world is very realistically our stage these days so let’s take a moment to consider what our playwright is saying about our world. What kind of recognition matters deep down and where can you seek that by living the best damn life that you can? 

I challenge you this. What, to you, is the best damn life that you can live? How will your body help you get there? How can we as a community, inspire each other to be bold, resilient, strong, confident and worthy? Be thoughtful in every piece of bodily language that leaves your beautiful symmetric or asymmetric lips. Be thoughtful of every joke, conversation and photo and instead be a chameleon of passion. Change your mind to suit your passion, not your body. Today it might be hard, but together we are ready.

Starburst, Hockey, and other Life Lessons

Last week I tried these mini Starburst candies that come unwrapped and bagged. There was something about the lack of effort that it took to consume these candies that turned me off. I mean, all of this sugar and gelatinous intake is much more rewarding when there is detailed and chosen work to precede. The payoff is so much sweeter when the effort is there. 

I loathe the fact that I have just used a “Wrigley” product as a metaphor for life, but you have to find the teacher in what you can. Take my brother for example; my brother turns 15 this month and he is amidst a lifestyle change that will allow him to follow his dreams. Dreams? At 15 you may ask? When I was 15 I was playing out a modern Shakespearean tragedy where the heroin kept her tear ducts intact with a magnitude of black eye liner while holding up a cardboard sign that said “anywhere but here.” 

 

My brother is moving to live with a host family that will provide him the means to play for a national youth hockey team. I still remember whispering in my toddler brother’s ear, “this is the secret to life little buddy…you go to the ocean every chance you can get, you dabble in any sport that involves a board, don’t mess with girls and you will play hockey.” Little did I know that through this front tooth shattering sport that my brother would learn and project a sense of humble passion. He would look out for his brothers. He would develop strength and agility of the body and mind. He would experience rejection and, damnit, he would come out better. Through it all, he would maintain an air about him cool as a kiwi (cucumbers are not my thing). 

My brother’s life highway has hills, but so far he has started by foot, been offered a bike, shrugged and said “sure.” Got a flat, enjoyed the freedom from the bike. Hitched a ride, enjoyed the company. The ride ends, he embraces the opportunity for exercise… I’m not alluding to optimism alone, but more to acceptance of the journey. When we dedicate our lives to an activity that fills our soul and the travel is not a steady and manageable incline, how do we stay committed to a balanced and confident life? 

Swami Satchidananda would say, “If you feel bound, you are bound. If you feel liberated, you are liberated. Things outside neither bind nor liberate you; only your attitude towards them does.” This concept of course becomes a greater challenge when personal loss, self-worth, career or relationship comes in to play. Practice with me. Practice one “set back” at a time. If you didn’t make the team in this situation of life; how will it make you better?  How will you decide to protect your brothers and sisters? How will you inspire yourself through this experience to strengthen your body and mind? And through it all…how will you stay as coooool as a kiwi.