A toast to the flawed and ferocious

Girls, this is not a nod to Dove commercials (although I think the concept is pretty sweet). This is not permission to eat an entire pizza because you feel like it (but, put a Punch pizza in front of me and I’m going Jungle Jane on that flat bread). This is a discussion and suggestion for keeping your chin sky high, even in a room full of perceived perfection.

I know this beautiful red haired girl and she doesn’t know this, but something she said to me in college has stuck with me. She was discussing a new boy she had met who lived across country. She confidently and flatly said, “If he doesn’t want me, SO WHAT! You either do or you don’t!” It was a simple phrase really, but at the time my heart probably looked like an ugly version of Rocky Balboa’s beaten face and I thought she sounded like a revolutionary. I’m so glad I eventually learned to sing her tune. I suggest you do too.

Just yesterday a guy said to me, “You were right. We shouldn’t have gone to that instructor’s class. Petite brunettes are my weakness.” He wasn’t being a self-esteem busting jerk, he was being open because I encourage full honesty. Had I been sitting across from my 15 year old relationship, I would have looked down at my half eaten “large plate” fajita and thought… “your lettuce punishment binge starts tomorrow.” No fucking way, ladies. Finish your breakfast and listen up.

Guess what. My weakness is Thor like men- not fantasy. I’m talking blonde pony, blue eyes, toned and tall with an edge of desire to jump high and fall in love with girls from another planet. I have never once in my life actually been in love with someone that matches this description (no offense, lovers). My point here is that what we fall in love with can actually surprise us. Put me in a coliseum full of petite brunettes and instead of waving my white flag, I guarantee you I can find something beautiful about each and every one of them outside of their frame and hair color. Try this the next time your confidence is compromised, but first remind yourself that your own brilliance exists and it doesn’t flicker when someone decides they want something else. You can only be the best version of you, so go for 5 stars.

If you are in a relationship or potential relationship where open chatter about attraction is supported, then you better not blink when your partner mentions that hottie that walked by on the way to their morning coffee. If your boyfriend looks at a girl wearing a bandana for a skirt, try smirking knowing that you bagged him with your humor alone and please do not resort to physical violence. If you are like Rihanna and you want to feel like you’re the only girl in the world, then baby slide your forearm across his card table and dump your entire deck of cards into your purse; not to be shown until you find your perfect half whose eyes do not stray (or at least they have mastered the art of peripheral vision). Those men and women exist, too.

And if right now, for you, what you want or need does not exist….so what! Some day it will.

 

 

The challenge of loving challenge.

So you’ve fallen for your best friend’s significant other, or worse, your significant other’s best friend. You’re dwelling on someone that is happily taken. You stare at every empty seat at the back of the bikes that drive by wondering where they could take you. You turn off that song every time you hear the first chord, then you play with just letting it wash you away.

This post is my whiskey on the rocks toast to those that smell out challenge in love like they haven’t craved “normal” or “easy” for years. Cheers, rebels, let’s talk about healing together.

Step 1…does it serve you? Do you leave them feeling like you just opened your arms, flexed your feet and took a heart first dive into bliss? Do you spin out of control? What happens when you hit the ground? May I suggest elbow pads at least…

If you are a steel heart like my girl, Allie then you probably can’t resonate with the above. She loves like a champion and she keeps both feet on the ground. She bounces off assholes like she knows how high she should hold her head and when she hits the ground, she’s ready to run with 5” heels. We’ll come back to her later.

Step 2…that’s really cool that you’ve rolled around in the sand and clinked coronas…or grabbed their hand and ran to the side of the river to jump off the nearest dock…or dined at the top of Vail mountain in the middle of a snowglobe life…or that you’ve looked for shooting stars in Breckenridge. Hold those stories in the highlight reel of your life and when you return, know that you made those choices because they gave you a booster shot of happiness that you happened to manifest with our without the person you are imagining next to you. Maybe you’ve truly landed something great…but if tomorrow the waves have gotten higher, ski season ended and you never even found that shooting star, then let’s take a look at our track history of seeking challenge.

Try on easy. Try on living every day doing only things that make you manifest happiness and before you know it, someone will see a shooting star walking right down the street and my god, it will be you. Take a lesson from Allie and even if he or she races your heart to speeds that warrant a $300 fine, you better keep your head high or direct them to the nearest entrance ramp. Haven’t you listened to my girl, Alanis Morrisette? “Loving someone can actually feel like freedom.” If it doesn’t, you come to me and we will make friends with a travel agent.

I see it every day. I’m guilty myself. If you’re still out there seeking challenge, you will continue to be hit with challenge. Don’t look for boring or rushed commitment or even bouquets of sunflowers. Go look for the sunflowers together. If you want something you’ve never had…then you have to do something you’ve never done.